Intelligence booster

K, so for those of you who hate writing papers for classes or think that there's nothing you could get worse at, here's a little somethin to lift your spirits. This paper was written by some kid named Jeremy, and let me tell you, he knows his stuff. Read the following paper and you'll be intrigued by the mysticism that is the mind of this Jeremy fellow... or you'll laugh because you know that nothing you could ever write could compare to this piece of work. Enjoy. (Oh the stuff in the parentheses is what the teacher commented after grading it. Poor thing.)

Coming in like El Nino!
Jeremy Lavine
Period 3
El Nino is spanish. It is the spanish word for child. Like all things spanish, it is dangerous. It kills people and burns down trees. This child is more than a child. It really isn't a child at all. It is a storm. A deadly storm that kills people and burns down trees.
Warm water usually builds up around australia. But not anymore with el nino. El Nino moves the warm water from australia to somewhere else, namely to other places. Where are these other places? These are places that also have water, but water that is usually not as warm as the warm water El Nino moves to these said other places. These other places are to the east. Of the water.
In Peru, they have many names for many things. One of the things they have names for is for people who go fishing, go fishing to make a living. If we had a word for this kind of people that word would be "fisherman". But we don't. In Peru, they have different names for things than we do in America. They call that kind of people "pescadores". That's Spanish. That's what they speak in Peru. When El Nino comes, these "pescadores" can't catch any fish. El Nino is caused when the Peruvian gods get angry. They have been angry for millions of years and have made El Nino for millions of years. Many many moons ago, the Peruvians committeed human sacrifice to satiate their gods and end the flood that was caused by El Nino. In today's modern dog-eat-dog work-a-day world of scientists, diplomats, McSalad Shakers, and George Bush Jr., we no longer have access to such solutions. We are too proud. We will not commit human sacrifices. We refuse to satiate the Peruvian gods. Thus, they remain angry and keep killing us and burning down our trees with El Nino.
Instead of satiating the gods, many of these "scientists" have tried to control El Nino with "science". They put up expensive fish-attracting bueys that run on flashlight batteries. Imagine, fighting the power of the gods with flashlight batteries! Needless to say, this didn't work and everyone died.
(Jeremy Please a little less drama!)

Check out the actual paper here.