Countdown

16 days until Glo
37 days until my best friend's wedding!
72 days until graduation
98 days until Southeast Asia

I like countdowns. I wish I had some countdowns for other things because I wish I knew when they would happen, or even IF they'll happen. *sigh* I wish I could have it all mapped out, but I can't. That's why I'm reading "Finding the Will of God: A Pagan Notion?" by Bruce Waltke. You should read it, too, if you're frustrated at having to make decisions and trying to take it upon yourself to "find God's will for your life."

I really can't wait to get out of school. Currently I have a bad bout of senioritis and keep forgetting I'm in 2 online classes, not to mention my two normal classes are like the worst ones I've ever been in at OU. Oh well, this too shall pass.

This has been a tough year. When it rains, it pours. I have a lot to be thankful for, and I need to keep reminding myself that things might get better and that there really is a hope for me. I'm living for that hope everyday. I've always been able to put on a happy face even when I'm really down, which can be a blessing and a curse. Sometimes people can't see that I'm really hurting, and I miss out on encouragement because I don't know how to express that yet.

I feel like Debby Downer here! Life's been good to me despite some hard knocks these past couple of months. I couldn't have gone through it without Jesus' constant, consistent, never ending, patient and perfect love. And I couldn't have kept going without my brothers and sisters being beside me. I value that so much! When I look at this awful and sinful world around me I can praise God for pulling me out of it, though I'm still a part of it, and keeping me steady in His plan. Wow. I wonder what it's like to live without that and I can't bear to think where I'd be had my sister not told me about Jesus. Thanks Amy!

Why can't I have a goal for after graduation? It's like I'm lost in this dark wilderness of options that I don't want. I don't even know what I'm good at. What should I do????

We totally watched "Lord of the Flies" because I'd never seen it nor read the book in school. It was saddening, especially when they broke/took Piggy's glasses! I almost cried!!! And then they killed him and that's when I lost it. I can't believe they've let kids read that book in schools. Do you remember reading "A Wrinkle In Time"? That was a freaky book too!

I love American Idol this season. Though I was hoping for the chubby girl to go far (she was voted off at the first week), there are still some singers I really want to win. I love David Archuleta (sp?)- he has the most pure and toned voice out of the group. My least favorite is Danny Noriega. I've dubbed him "Skinny Jeans" because he wore skinny jeans at his audition and he is just ridiculous.

Anyhoo, I have to have $600 paid by next Friday for me to go to SE Asia! Woah, this should be interesting.

I'm done being random. Van Dyck, out!

Fix You

Man, do you ever hear a song you've heard a billion times but this one time you listen to it, you can just relate like never before? That's how I feel about Coldplay's "Fix You." I listened to it a lot this summer when I was overseas. I kind of hesitate to say that, because when you're serving overseas you should only listen to or be encouraged by worship songs, right? (sarcasm) But this song is really heartfelt and sometimes I think I could have written it (not comparing myself to the brilliance of Coldplay, just saying those thoughts could have come from me.). Anyways, I heard this last night and wanted to tell Chris Martin that I totally know what he's talking about! So here are the lyrics:


Fix You

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse?

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home,
And ignite your bones,
And I will try to fix you.

High up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth


Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down on your face
And I

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down on your face
And I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Here's the video if you've never heard it:


*sigh* What a great song.

Fantastic V-Week!

It's been interesting to hear what people think about Valentine's Day- some love it, some loathe it, and some think it shouldn't even exist (refer to my V-Day post from last year). Well, I LOVE V-Day. We get to celebrate LOVE, and as a follower of Jesus I want to celebrate the greatest LOVE I've ever known from God. It's a good reminder of all He's done for us, and even if we don't have "that special someone" to dote on us all the sweet things that come with V-Day, we can rest assured that we are loved with a Perfect Love that endures forever. How cool!

I really thought I would not enjoy this holiday this year. God is so FAITHFUL! I was encouraged tremendously all week in some of the most unexpected ways. About a third of my "Things that make me happy" list happened, and it was all from the hands of my Great God. He knew what I needed- to see that my hope is in Him and that He uses His people to bless and encourage each other so we can keep serving Him. This V-Day took my eyes off of myself (which is hard to do on this day if you're single!) and put them on Him, because He came through in the ways that I needed Him to, and abundantly beyond what I thought He would do.

I'm thankful for my brothers and sisters who encouraged me this V-Week. It was cool to experience my brothers in Christ serving us gals and treating us like daughters of the King. What a blessing!

31 Things That Make Me Happy

I took Amy's challenge to write about 30 things that make me happy. Well, I decided to do 31. Here goes:

1. Any sort of words of encouragement- a card, on my blog, Facebook, phone call, etc.
2. Flowers
3. When guys open doors and let ladies go first
4. Spending time with Jesus
5. Singing in a band
6. Dinner and a movie with friends
7. Surprises!!
8. Visiting Amy/Dan/Tygre in Fort Worth
9. When friends come hang out in the bookstore with me
10. Late night conversations
11. Driving with my windows down on a sunny day
12. Being free
13. Going on cruises with the fam
14. Seeing others grow in their walks with God
15. When people get to go overseas
16. Live music- it's always better
17. Dancing
18. Seeing prayers answered
19. When you talk to someone and figure out all the people you have in common with them and can say, "What a small world!"
20. Football game days
21. Walking to class with a friend
22. The beach
23. Speaking another language and the person understands what I'm saying
24. Learning new things
25. Reminiscing
26. Cooking
27. When I get to see another part of the world
28. Knowing I am taken care of
29. Talking with friends who are far away on iChat/Skype!
30. When I quote a movie and someone else responds with a quote from the same one
31. Haircuts

What are 31 things that make YOU happy???

Moving On

I hate change. I really do. It takes a lot out of me because I'm a really sentimental person. The smallest thing can remind me of something great that happened or something I went through or something someone did for me, etc. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I really fear moving forward because what if it's not as great as everything I just went through?

For instance: college. It really has been THE time of my life... so far. I've had soooo much fun and God's shaped me into a very different person than I was before. I've gone places I've never been before because of college- Miami, New Orleans, Chicago, New Mexico, Cambodia, etc. There have also been many firsts that I experienced here that I am so grateful for. God's given me fantastic friends that I will have for a lifetime. He's drawn me closer to Himself because of the different faith times He's taken me through. It's been challenging, hilarious, scary, comfortable, uncomfortable and great overall. I still want that, but I can't have it anymore because my five years is almost up.

So it's time to think about the next thing. I have no idea what my plans are when I finish school in May. I'll just get this one out there- I've applied to grad school so I can pursue a teaching career or maybe even go into ministry. But I still don't know if that's what the Lord wants me to do. My other option is to stick around Norman, but I don't have job prospects as of now. My mind changes itself just about every other day. I wish God would be clear about HIS vision for my life so I could make decisions right now, but I will just have to wait. The thing is not to make decisions based on fear. I cannot fear having a lame future compared to the last 5 years of my life. I cannot fear making a mistake. God holds my life in His hands and is big enough to clean up my messes. But more than that- He is sovereign. Everything that happens to me has to pass through His hands first; He is in control. And I cannot put God in a box and try to make sense of all of this difficult stuff that's happened recently, telling myself that He did ____ for this reason or that.

I am so thankful God led me to OU for my college career. It was a scary decision to make as a little senior in high school, but I can look back now and count the blessings of making that decision. His plan is evident in these pages of my life. I can confidently go forward to the next thing, knowing that He has things in store for me. I can look back and see the great things He has done (or will do) in my life. I'm excited for that!

Speaking of excited, I've told some people, but I'll just throw this out there again- God's opened a door for me to go back to SE Asia for a couple of weeks this summer! It's crazy how the whole thing came together. A group that is going needed some extra people to go to make the airfare cheaper, so God graciously given that to me. I'll write about the details later. This thing has just been such an encouragement to me during these last couple of month of discouragement. He is good!

Anyhoo, that's what's going on nowadays. Pray that I will be patient until the Lord reveals to me what He wants me to do... and that He'll reveal it!