Moving On

I hate change. I really do. It takes a lot out of me because I'm a really sentimental person. The smallest thing can remind me of something great that happened or something I went through or something someone did for me, etc. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I really fear moving forward because what if it's not as great as everything I just went through?

For instance: college. It really has been THE time of my life... so far. I've had soooo much fun and God's shaped me into a very different person than I was before. I've gone places I've never been before because of college- Miami, New Orleans, Chicago, New Mexico, Cambodia, etc. There have also been many firsts that I experienced here that I am so grateful for. God's given me fantastic friends that I will have for a lifetime. He's drawn me closer to Himself because of the different faith times He's taken me through. It's been challenging, hilarious, scary, comfortable, uncomfortable and great overall. I still want that, but I can't have it anymore because my five years is almost up.

So it's time to think about the next thing. I have no idea what my plans are when I finish school in May. I'll just get this one out there- I've applied to grad school so I can pursue a teaching career or maybe even go into ministry. But I still don't know if that's what the Lord wants me to do. My other option is to stick around Norman, but I don't have job prospects as of now. My mind changes itself just about every other day. I wish God would be clear about HIS vision for my life so I could make decisions right now, but I will just have to wait. The thing is not to make decisions based on fear. I cannot fear having a lame future compared to the last 5 years of my life. I cannot fear making a mistake. God holds my life in His hands and is big enough to clean up my messes. But more than that- He is sovereign. Everything that happens to me has to pass through His hands first; He is in control. And I cannot put God in a box and try to make sense of all of this difficult stuff that's happened recently, telling myself that He did ____ for this reason or that.

I am so thankful God led me to OU for my college career. It was a scary decision to make as a little senior in high school, but I can look back now and count the blessings of making that decision. His plan is evident in these pages of my life. I can confidently go forward to the next thing, knowing that He has things in store for me. I can look back and see the great things He has done (or will do) in my life. I'm excited for that!

Speaking of excited, I've told some people, but I'll just throw this out there again- God's opened a door for me to go back to SE Asia for a couple of weeks this summer! It's crazy how the whole thing came together. A group that is going needed some extra people to go to make the airfare cheaper, so God graciously given that to me. I'll write about the details later. This thing has just been such an encouragement to me during these last couple of month of discouragement. He is good!

Anyhoo, that's what's going on nowadays. Pray that I will be patient until the Lord reveals to me what He wants me to do... and that He'll reveal it!